STEPHANIE: Suzanne texts John to get the hell back to his apartment, STAT. So while he’s standing outside the door, she makes him take off all of his clothes and strip naked, to prove that he doesn’t have a weapon. So I opened the door and am greeted by a pretty Korean woman. And she looks very angry and she says, who are you? I have been dating John for the past 6 months, and she says her name is Tara and she has been dating John for the past two years. She decides she wants to warn other women John knows, in case he’s secretly dating them too. And he says…PHOEBE: “Oh I'm just watching tv, sitting in our house doing nothing, I have to do homework.” That's the text message I get while I was sitting on his couch. PHOEBE: And we three of us get in a huge fight and argument about it. In each cycle, he dated up to ten women at once, three to four serious girlfriends, and several casual relationships on the side. STEPHANIE: So this caller tells me this elaborate story of a guy, let’s call him Adam, who apparently dated only Asian women. He manipulated them, abused them, gave them herpes. But I didn’t know whether to be grateful or terrified. I feel like I have to also say that she is the first Asian woman who I’ve dated. PHOEBE: You know, here’s the thing though, I know it’s scary. They’ll actually have to look into my eyes and hold out their hands.But when he showed up, she thought, wait, I don’t know anything about who this guy really is. Finally she lets him in, and they have a huge fight. STEPHANIE: At this point, all she knew was that the guy she’d been seeing had been cheating on her with at least four other people. But when she tries to go to his Facebook page, she finds out he’s blocked her. Each time, one woman would find out, warn the whole group, and the harem would implode. And it was quite shocking and they don’t have to be intelligent, they don’t have to be pretty, they don’t have to be skinny, they don’t have to be anything. Please bleep this out later: they will fuck anything yellow with three holes. But relatively early in our relationship, she asked me this question where she was like, what do the women you normally date look like? That’s why we have to be careful but you’re letting them control your future and I refuse to do it. And that’s when they’ll find out that I have teeth. ALEX: Stephanie Foo is a producer for This American Life. And one of the things about doing a show about the internet is that people are often suggesting that you do stories about online dating, and we often choose not to, and then a few weeks ago our friend Stephanie Foo who's normally a producer at This American Life that was unlike any online dating story that either of us had ever heard. STEPHANIE FOO: So a couple years ago, I interviewed this girl. She lives in San Francisco and she’d met this really cute guy on Ok Cupid.SUZANNE: He just had a way of taking really ordinary little situations and just making them fun and playful and was very thoughtful with like making me breakfast, would hide my favorite snacks in my purse and was just a really sweet, really sweet, loyal person and he was actually one of the best boyfriends I've ever had. And he gave her a little shelf for her stuff in his apartment. He even included her in a bunch of his domestic decision-making.PHOEBE: I was telling them yep, that's what he did with other girls with me. STEPHANIE: And remember that adorable couch date at CB2? But he has a website with his name and the only thing on the website is a quote that says: “It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you’re not. John took multiple girls to that store, made them all spoon on all the same couches. PHOEBE: Yeah, I've seen it all and-STEPHANIE: So what race were all these girls? ELIZABETH: I think we were able to bond over a shared experience a really poor experience. STEPHANIE: A while ago, I also looked up John’s OKCupid account. His profile said he was interested in a relationship. And if I hadn’t don’t know, if I hadn’t known, if I hadn’t talked to these girls, it could have been me. She wrote to me to tell me to watch out, that the guy had yellow fever and would try to hit on me. And really soon after, I matched with another dude on a dating website, who messaged me that he had to warn me about something and told me to call him. Our website is replyall.limo, which was designed in partnership with Athletics. They are also covering race and dating, but from an entirely different perspective. They were able to help me heal a lot better than a lot of my friends because they knew exactly what I was going through. I mean, I was in a relationship when I first met Suzanne, so like the threat was still kind of theoretical. But also like, just to play devil’s advocate here, a lot of people tend to date people of one race, like most people have a type. And people are always telling me like, what's the problem, what if I have a preference for Jewish girls?
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And when the generations of girls blew up, he told each girl that she was the only one he really loved. So they made a fake Ok Cupid profile with his picture and a slight variation on his username, but the whole profile was filled out with warnings: I’m a cheater! A couple of girls actually emailed them saying “Hey, thanks - I was actually about to date this guy.” But OKCupid took down their fake profile.
The more they learned about the depth of his deceptions, the more pissed off they got.
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